SDSH..It’s real

Do you know that 15 second gap where someone is telling you there is something wrong with your child, that your ears and brain just shut down totally, and what you’re hearing in your mind is nowhere near the real words coming out of the persons mouth? I like to call this disease ‘ Shut Down Selective Hearing’. And YES it is a disease because the thoughts that can stem from this problem are far greater than the actual problem your being faced with.

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Take for example, kindergarten screening, the nurse pulls me aside to let me know that I may want to look into having Stella’s long distant vision checked. The minute she pulled me over and started talking, I was all open ears, concerned parent… Next thing I know, I am watching this woman mouth words to me that were definitely not matching the words in my head… The word I chose to shut down at was vision.. So from here on out in the conversation, in my mind all I heard was…” Stella cannot see. Stella is losing her vision. I can’t believe you didn’t know this as her parent. What were you thinking not getting her to the eye DR sooner? Do you know anything about your child? DO you have other children? Because they probably cannot see either.. You should MOST definitely learn brail…” When in all reality, this wonderful woman was just letting me know that Stella is very smart and passed everything with flying colors… but nope, that’s not at all what my disease let me hear..

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I tend to do this on a lot of occasions.. I think as soon as your egg is fertilized, this disease takes over.. I mean heaven forbid your OB tell you anything is off at any appointment.. I mean hell, I think I had myself talked into having Diabetes, Toxemia, and during one pregnancy, I was SURE I had low blood platelets. And all of these stemmed from very normal conversations with the DR.. some of them I even think I provoked.. Me : ” Dr, I am a little bit short breathed with this pregnancy..” Dr : ” Well Erika, that can definitely be a normal and very common problem with pregnancy and the weight it puts against your diaphragm. Although, if it gets worse to where you can’t catch your breath at all……” this is was my S.D.S.H. kicks in and in my head…” you probably have what we call toxemia and your blood pressure is sky-rocket through the roof…You will probably have to deliver your baby at 37 weeks because if you don’t there’s a high possibility for extreme consequences, also , since your short of breath you will probably pass out all the time and cut off oxygen to your baby…” Again, NO WHERE near what was actually coming from her mouth… but this disease is just so strong that I can’t help but instantly go to extreme measures…

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I feel as if i use it against Chad quite often as well..The other day in the car about an hour after Finn had started letting go of things and taking steps.. Chad thought it would be a good idea to say to me while driving.. ” Man Partygirl ( my nickname BTW), Stella is off to kindergarten next year, Hanky is potty trained and is like 100% independent and Finn is almost walking.. I am feeling like our babies are all grown up and we’re doing so great…..” Nope.. right around ‘ I am feeling, ‘ i drifted off and burst into tears because all I heard was ” Our babies are all grown up and they don’t need you anymore. I am excited to get more sleep, and we are DEFINATELY not having any more kids because I love this freedom…” I looked at him and all I could spit out was ” HOW DARE YOU..” he looked at me like my head just exploded. He was literally so confused he had no words….I proceeded to repeat back to him what I had heard in my head and all he could say was .. ” HUH?” Men just don’t realize this problem because they have the EXACT opposite problem.. They listen to what people are saying and hear every single word, and yet have NO clue what they were just told and or what it means… Must be nice….!

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There was one other major time that sticks out of my mind, but this one was particularly bad because kids are SO dramatic about everything!…SO basically my over-reaction was not my fault this time!!!

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I was off doing the dishes and could hear Stella and Hank in the play room, when all of the sudden Stella comes flying in the kitchen yelling OMG MOM!!! “Come QUICK!! Hank broke it! He HIT is EYE!…” I calmed her down and asked what she was saying.. and she said ” MOM!, Hank was playing with this plastic basket, and he hit his eye, and it broke and he hurt his eye….” and now I have sensory overload because not only did my mind shut OFF at ‘ broke off ” and ” eye” I now realized that I didn’t even hear Hank crying or making any sound… SO I grab my phone, a WHOLE entire roll of paper towels, some ice, the neosporin, some band aids, and whatever other survival instinct thing I could grab and ran to Hank with the thought of ” omg some plastic piece broke off in his eye and now he’s unconscious and not going to be able to see anymore and I will probably have to get him a patch and I have to make all these appointments everywhere with the Dr and the Eye Dr and the ER and etc……” When I got to him, all of the blood rushed back to my head when I found the little shit sitting on the couch with a Barbie sized shopping basket with the basket in one hand and the handle in the other… and I screamed.. “Where’d You Hurt your EYE????” he pointed to the imaginary mark on his eyebrow where he said he ‘ scratched when he pulled the handle off…’ … I proceeded to fall to the floor and burst into tears… Then i yelled at everyone in nearest yelling distance to NEVER, EVER, EVER scare me like that EVER again… and to pack up every single plastic toy we owned because it was going straight to the dump!….

SO I didn’t really ditch every toy in our house, but I did realize just then how terrible this disease was.. S.D.S.H. has taken over my entire brain, and now anytime someone talks to me, I am instantly re-wording everything they are saying… Oh, and I have realized that it must be hereditary, because Hank and Stella now have this problem…

I am trying so very hard to just leave well enough alone before I create any more problems that are non-existent… it’s Just so damn hard when it comes to my babies. 🙂

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Shut Down Selective hearing… The struggle is real…. 😉

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