Mommy Time Out….

Let’s just run through really quick. A morning in the life of mom..

6:30 a.m.


Stella: “MOM , what’s for breakfast?”

me : “Toast and eggs…”

Stella : “I HATE eggs…”

Hank:” MOMMY……..”

Finn: [ crying and has pooped ]

me : ” Cereal?… [ while changing diaper]..”

Stella : ” Yes, Special K….”


me : [making Special K for Stella and eggs for Hank because Hank eats like 5 eggs every day throughout the day…] YES Hank?”

Hank : ” CARRRRY me down the stairs… I’m so cooolldd.”

Stella: ” MOM hurrry or we are going to be late…”

Me : “Stella.. it’s fine we won’t be late..”


Stella : “Mom WHERE is my Flower headband?”

Me: ” wherever you put it last hunny… Here is your breakfast ..” [serving everyone their breakfast..]

Hank: ‘But I didn’t want the egg all cutttt…….” ( scrambled..)

Stella: ” um , Mom, i just want eggs and toast…….”


Stella : ” and I want chocolate milk…”

Hank: ” ME TOOO, and DONUTS ”

Stella ” UGH WHY is Hank getting donuts???”

me in my own head : ‘ who the hell said anything about donuts, and why do I still smell poop? ‘

Hank : ” Sorry, B, Mom said only I get the donuts…”

Finn : [ literally on his 2 nd plate of eggs and cereal..]

Stella : ” MOM UGH, Hank said I CAN’T have any donuts…. ”

me still in my own head, and now sniffing everyone’s butt for poop : ‘ why are they still talking about donuts? That was literally NEVER an option.., and seriously, where is that poop smell ??…’

Stella : ” MOMMMYYY….”


Finn : [ between slamming eggs everywhere but in his mouth ] Mmmmmomm…MMmmoommMMm ”


Hank : ” Mom, where’s my donut?”


{Cue the insane Mom rant/vent/slam coffee down and angrily get everyone ready for school/ride to Starbucks/ woo-sa in the car….} #DAMNITHANK


I mean, this literally goes on ALL day, every day, and pretty much twice on the weekends… It doesn’t matter if I took them to the park, Skate World, or the doctors, children DO NOT stop .. They do not stop talking, they do not stop eating, and they do not stop ARGUING…… HOLY CRAP… I absolutely ADORE my children’s personalities, and the way they play together, and their beautiful little curious minds…. but seriously, i need a stiff, dirty, double drink by 2 p.m…. ( let’s be real, 11:00 a.m., can we say Bloody Mary??) I am really not sure at what point of the day that my brain goes on auto pilot, but I know that it definitely does because Hell, before I know it, it’s bed time, Chad is home, and I am singing Dragon Tales to those adorable little faces ( who will be up 10 minutes after I walk out of the room asking for water, a bedtime snack, or they have to go to the bathroom… ) It’s what I like to call, ” Pushing Mom’s Limits.. ” PML” It’s the bitchy, manipulative cousin of PMS..,linked together by the very thing that PMS has helped create… my children.. Oh the irony..


Those smart little beings know EXACLTY what to say to help push our minds totally out of our limits, and become a nagging,harping,zombie-ish version of our worst nightmares.. They like to mess with our heads, like the whole’ I need a drink of water’ routine, they know this almost ALWAYS works because it’s the first attempt of escaping bed time, and most definitely leads to ‘ out of bed because I have to go to the bathroom ‘ trick… they know damn well that if they use that one, we would be the WORST parent in the world if we knew our child just drank some water and has to go potty but won’t let them just “because it’s bedtime..” after these two loop-holes comes the “but we’re just soo hungry” … this one, the third try whatever it may be, is the PML… they saw the love in our eyes with the water, then the frustration of the brathroom…and are just so darn curious as to which emotion they are going to provoke with # 3… “Will it actually work tonight?” “Will she start screaming and yelling, and then we can cry and then she’ll feel bad and lay in bed with us..?” “Will her head finally explode this time???”… It IS ALL A MIND GAME… Parenting is just a super fun, daily game of double dare at Mom’s expense….It can drive you to a place you don’t want to have to go, but oh so desperately need to… “Mommy Time Out”…


Mommy time out is a beautiful little place… it can be the bathroom, your bedroom, outside, the closet under the stairs….etc. really it can be anywhere that your kids are NOT….How it works is, we kindly excuses ourselves from our children , ” Hey kids? Mommy cannot possibly stomach another episode of Wally Kazaam, and is all out of energy to efficiently supervise you..I need to put myself in a small time out while you guys watch this Jimmy Neutron movie and I will be right back and refreshed..” ok let’s be real, that conversation does NOT happen, we just turn the damn movie on and get the hell outta dodge the minute their eyes glaze over after the opening credits.. We sneak off, shut the door, lay down and seriously start thinking about our lives… But my friends, I leave you with this…. DO NOT TAKE ANY ADVICE FROM YOURSELF IN MOMMY TIME OUT..whatever you do, DO NOT start questioning your ability to be a good parent. DO NOT start questioning your life choices, and your career, or all the things you want to do but can’t, or won’t ..DO NOT think about what the hell your going to cook for dinner bc you haven’t been to the grocery store in 2 weeks… do not start comparing your life with how “easy” your husbands is.. PLEASE DON’T…. Momma, I seriously encourage you to take your mommy time out, which by the way is 100x more deserved than you think it is, and turn it into your literal happy place… I want you to ‘Just Laugh Momma…” ( that was supposed to be the original name for the site until Hank started to believe him name was ‘Damnit,’ then it was just too good to pass up..;) … yes, Just Laugh…. AS SOON as you lay that head down, or shut that door, or wherever you go for mommy time out, start googling hilarious videos of kids… google pranks by Ellen DeGeneres… read 3 pages of your favorite book.. write down funny words and try to say them out loud… just do ANYTHING to make yourself smile..


Please try this, if not just once, because it could save a spiral down into negative town…( ya that rhymed πŸ˜‰ We have to stop going to this place and thinking, ” why in the hell do i need a time out?? what kind of mother needs a break from her kids? ” this is a dangerous place, and you DO NOT NEED TO BE THERE… you deserve that time out wayyy more than you realize you do… Look at everything you do in a day, for shits and giggles, count how many times your kids say mommy…count how many diapers your change, how many chores you get done, how many meals you make… think about how big your heart is for catering to the needs of your babies ALL day every day..constanly doing what needs to be done without even thinking about it.. You are Amazing.. you are an amazing person, you need a break because your life is dedicated to your kids and 24/7. you are caring for them… but who’s caring for you momma? YOU are.. YOU are caring for you, you have to or how else would you care for your babies?? I’ll never forget out first plane ride with Stella when the Stewardess said in the event of an emergency put YOUR oxygen mask on first, and then your childs.. I almost pummelled her and punched her in the face for telling me to not put my baby first… and then she explained her self perfectly, and I have adapted that lesson into my life… ” If you don’t put the mask on first, and you pass out trying to get theirs on, you are both going to be in trouble”…..To possibly care for your babies, YOU have to care for you FIRST.. don’t think it’s selfish, think it’s smart… how are you going to stomach the word ‘mommy’ 497 times in one day going on 4 hours of sleep, an aching back and a pounding head? how are you going to make pancakes, then toast, and then pancakes again, if you are sick and run down all the time because you let all that stress build up and now your just a loose cannon? You can’t momma, and that’s ok, because no one can…


I can’t tell you enough times.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE… you are not the only one who needs 10, 20 or 50 minutes away. You are a wonderful mother, a wonderful wife, and you can only be that person when you FEEEL like that person.. Just one day, feel good about yourself all day, find the joy and beauty in every move you make and every decision you make that day, say it with enthusiasm and “channel aunt Dina’… just make yourself feel beautiful, because you are momma, every scream, every rant every time out, you are beautiful, you got this, you know you do, just believe in it. I promise momma, if you just laugh, you will realize that you, just like the rest of us are beautifully insane, and that my love, is O.K… πŸ™‚



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