I think I have mentioned before how receiving unsolicited advice is honestly one of my biggest pet peeves..but there is one in particular that I am 100% not okay with….” Your not going to have any more children are you?” ” Wow how can you afford 4?” and my All time favorite ” you do know how that happens right?”
If you want to unbecome my friend any time ever, this is a super quick way to do it…Celebrate the fact that I am done having children…. With the up and coming event in which will (should) ( hopefully) ensure that we are done with our chapter of pregancy and newborns coming up, I find myself at a serious heartbreaking point in my life. I’ve read a lot of great articles about the “last firsts” and “How you know when you’re done having babies”… and I have found comfort in them all. But this is a little bit different topic while being the same..
I cannot begin to describe the love I have for my children.. I know if you know me on a regular and personal basis, Im like a stressed out air head to the max like 99.8% of the time.. Funny that’s bout how ineffective my birth control usually was… but I love my children with every last breath in my lungs. Is it stressful? Yes… Is it expensive ? Sort of.. Is it worth it? FUCK YES. Let me first begin by telling you that even before being married Chad and I sort of agreed ( mostly me talking him nodding) that we wanted a big family.. I have a weird thing about odd numbers and 4 just seemed like it was in my heart for some reason. First baby was a surprise, so it equally gained much shock, concern and panic.. (the excitement came later, yes ) throughout the family and friends. Lots of advice started flying in around the 9 month post pregnancy mark…It seemed like everyone and their brother was cheering us on to procreate another human. After some consideration, a wedding and lots of captain Morgan… Hello Hank. The news about the second pregnancy was a little awkward as well… I’m not sure if its because I spelled ‘Surprise’ wrong in the Big Sister book, or maybe just anytime someone announces pregnancy all they envision is how it happened (, and BTW YES I know very well how it happens, but thanks for the explanation offer everyone) but people seemed somewhat confused… like wait, 3 months ago you were force feeding me rum and telling me Stella needs a sibling, and now, that the egg Is implanted in MY womb, your being weird ? WTF…anywho, that little bundle of screaming colic joy came into our lives, and that’s when people started to skydive off my list of favorites…
Literally, this kid is 1 month old and I already have people chirping in my ear.. ” did you get your tubes tied? Are you going too” “Here, here’s a pamphlet on the Mirena, its super di duper” ” Are you guys done? You should be, so perfect, 1 boy 1 girl….YAY!” I was starting to feel like all my childhood dreams were suddenly so wrong about pregnancy and babies… All I envisioned growing up was running to the store to get an EPT jumping up and down crying in the bathroom with my husband with tears of joy and a little fear…Then thinking up super cute ways to celebrate with my friends ad family.. And then everyone being so sad when we were finally not going to have any more… But here I stand 2 kids in, no jumping up and downs, no video worthy reactions, from anyone, yet everyone celebrating the fact that I got 1 boy and 1 girl and that I am definitely blessed enough to be done having kids… Fucking bullshit.
Repeat after me… ” YOUR,( ERIKA KATHRYN MCGUIRE)’S, OVARIES AND UTERUS ARE NON OF MY DAMN BUSINESS, AND I WILL STOP PRAYING TO THE FERTILITY GODS THAT YOU DON’T HAVE ANYMORE KIDS.”
Like, I have enough reasons for second guessing most of my decisions, I CERTAINLY don’t need another opion.. Especially such an unsupportive, unstable one.
I can maybe see if I’m popping these kids out like pez and everyone except me and Chad are taking care of them and we are just pawning them off for everyone else to raise, but that’s not even the reality? We do DAMN fine on our own with the help we get and we make damn sure to make sure those who do help receive the much needed and deserved appreciation. But still… the question and the discussion of us not having anymore kids seemed to be a focal point at just about every family get together and every conversation with anyone..
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if I get asked ” are you going to have anymore? Or are you guys done ?” as long as you don’t have the ” Thank God” look on your face, I won’t burn a hole through your face while I answer. And YES I am allowed to say “Hell YES we’re done because that’s MY DECISION and MY heart that gets to come to share that very personal answer.”
Imagine the reaction I got to Finn and Josie and guys this doesn’t exclude my very own husband in these reactions… I was literally told “You can’t be serious” when I announced our pregnancy with Josie.. Seriously?
SO now, as my heart is finally ready to close this chapter in my life, a chapter I will never in my life be able to have back or be able to go through again, these are the memories I get to live with for the rest of my life… The fact that every time in my most happy hour, in the moments I have lived for, the moments I looked forward to since I was little, I get to remember the disappointment, shock, confused and unenthusiastic faces and reactions from some of the people that meant the most. I will forever be grateful to the ones who did give me the jumping hug and to the few who encouraged me to not let my heart go unfulfilled knowing how much it meant to me to have my big family.
I guess what I really want you to get out of this is not only that it is YOUR decision to have 1, 2 or 8 kids.. Its what’s right for your life and no one else’s. Tell them to FUCK OFF. They have NO place judging such a personal decision. I can’t describe to you how or when you will know when to start, try again and be done, but if you are in tune with your heart you will know. Don’t let what other people say to you or “their” experiences stop you from living your dreams, whether about kids or jobs or life choices in general, they are YOURS and no one else’s DO NOT let them keep you down and do not stop until your life is the one you’ve dreamed of.. It’s all worth it damnit..