I need you to know that after you fall asleep I cry,
I cry for many reasons that I’ll tell you why.
If it had been a tough morning, a rough day, and a hectic night,
And I yelled a lot, gave time outs and just flat-out was not polite.
If the dogs got out, and you tried to tell me, but I was busy chasing your pantless brother
and instead of stopping to listen to you, I told you to go get them, as if you’re the mother.
If the milk was spilled, and the dinner was tossed,
And I moaned and groaned and picked out toys that you lost,
Just know that when your asleep that night, and your dreams have taken over,
Please know that is when I sit up and the day I think over.
Know that often I have sat and wondered,
“how is it that God gave me this gift of being a mother?’
“with my short temper, mood swings, and tantrums,
Just how was I rewarded with children so handsome?”
Not only are they beautiful inside and out, they are smart and funny,
and after days like today, they teach me a lot.
A lot about myself, my life and my heart.
This is when I realize how I’ve been blessed from the start.
I begin to cry with tears of guilt,
knowing that all my yelling is tearing down the people I’ve built.
I feel so helpless now that your asleep,
and all I want so badly is to hold you and weep.
I need you to wake back up so that I can tell you,
How sorry I am and I wish you knew.
As I pick up the living room, and ready your lunch,
I begin to realize you have a hunch,
A hunch of just how much you mean to me,
because when I look up, what do I see
But a Ziploc baggy “To Momma:” with a butterfly and sun
and an XOXO from my little one.
The tears get stronger, and my breathing grows fast,
because the guilt is over and I now know at last,
that the tears have turned to gratitude and praise,
for giving me these blessings, that I am proud to say I raised.
Because the rough days they come and go,
and the better days are so much more, so,
Even though, while you sleep, I cry
Please know that love is always the reason why.