DamnitHank

Sending the kids back after breaks, no matter how many days it’s been, is always heart wrenching. As a parent we can joke about being overstimulated and beg for them to ‘go back already’, but honestly that’s not how our hearts feel. At least not mine, I could keep them with me forever, not in a controlling, smothering way, just in a way that allows me to get to spend the most time with them before they start living their adult lives. They literally make me laugh, smile, cry and hope, they are in all reality, my entire world.

This break return was particularly hard with the new phone rule. My two oldest would send me sweet little messages, or ask questions, and straighten out pick up plans etc. randomly throughout the day. I have had a complicated relationship with technology because as much as I do not care for it’s far too advanced features, I realize it’s necessity, but I will admit that when this rule first rolled out, I was pissed. I was worried that it felt a little bit like overreach, and what if my kids needed me? What if that one text reply could ease their anxiety? What if there is an emergency and they can’t get to me because of these stupid locked bags?

Then at the start of the New Year, I promised myself to work on obnoxious positivity. This is exactly as it sounds and pulling from one of the very first blog posts I had written about how my Aunt Dina was always positive, about everything! So, I had adapted this trick when I became a mom, and I can’t tell you how much it has saved my anxiety. Although throughout the years, the lack of being able to be, even sarcastically, positive was strong. We have lived so many damn lives in the last decade that my brain is confused on what even is positive anymore.

It has been a rocky start for me, but I am trying my best to get my, what is it called? Neuroplasticity? Back on track of positive and quieting out the anxiousness. Sending the kids back after such a refreshing break seemed like it was going to take out my streak, and while I’ll admit, Josie isn’t the only one who shed tears, I feel like I have been given a good shift while trying to focus on the good.

Before I get back to the phone thing, I want to take a minute to see if anyone else feels the energetic shift? I’m not talking about politics, economy, or even weather. I’m talking about the overall feel in the energy around us. The Earth’s movements and shifts, I cannot help but feel slowed way down, in all the good ways. If you have it in you to be openminded, especially if you feel like anxiety, depression, less than optimal health and especially brain fog, is affecting you particularly hard right now, take a few moments several times a day to just stand with your eyes closed and see if you can feel it.

Whatever you may believe in, astrology, religion, science, all of it….something is different. I truly believe this is a year 1 start. They say that “nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” I believe that the nature of constant hurry, fear, consumerism, debilitating productivity, and the normalization of being sick and tired is fading away. This isn’t sustainable, it’s temporary, chasing joy always is. Realizing it’s everywhere you go because it’s within you, is stabilizing success.

Take this and consider that:

Lightheadedness could be clarity returning.

Sadness could be undealt with grief.

Tension could be the fear of letting go.

Delay and rejection could be redirection.

Anxiety could be lack of acting on your dreams.

Brain fog could be intuition asking you to listen.

We are presented with the most unique opportunity to return to peace, together.

So, to close, I’ll return to the phone rule and leave you with this as piece of supporting evidence. What if this wasn’t overreach? What if this was divine intervention to return something to us.

What if this was the universe asking us to stop believing and waiting for something bad to happen, what if it’s asking us to trust in the good again.

What if it’s asking us to remember that the constant texting and availability creates instability. We have complained about being overwhelmed for so long, this is our chance to ‘let them figure it out,’ not unlike letting them “cry it out” and in the process, self soothe creating a confidence in independence. Look how resilient it made all of us not being able to have access to everyone and anyone at all times. It doesn’t mean we love them less, or don’t want to be needed. Sometimes loving something the most means giving it space to grow and learn.

What if it was giving us back ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, and instead of counting the hours down until we ‘have to make dinner, do homework, hear the complaining’, we now can’t wait to get home to hear every little detail of their day, and not being able to see or hear from them every 20 minutes makes us appreciate every moment when they return.

I know that we all want ‘things to just get better’, but without action, there is no progress. Unfortunately, even after all we’ve been through, we still have to the be the ones to show up and do it. We have to start letting go a little, and letting in the silence, letting in the freedom of peace and stillness…the world isn’t going anywhere, as long as you keep believing in it.

Create your own happiness, reflect your own dreams and just try to make it a habit.

Because damnit, what if this is the start to a beautiful chapter. XOXO