Being a mom is exhausting, there’s really no other way to describe it. It’s a beautiful balance of happiness, uncertainty and guilt. It truly is a gift to feel this way but sometimes it becomes a job, one that gets hard to keep up with after a while. Honestly, even just being a wife or significant other is exactly the same definition. Getting up everyday knowing that other peoples happiness on you is the scariest job in the whole world. Throw in about 75% of insecurity in there and you have got the perfect mix for a daily meltdown and crippling anxiety. Constantly being on top of your game is actually really hard when all you want to do is throw the covers over your head and hide in your bed for abut 20 hours just to catch up on sleep and quietness sounds like such a better option than getting up, working 0ut , showering, makeup, hair, breakfast for 6, lunches for 6 , schoolwork, child tending , dinner, dogs, clean up, laundry, dishes, bedtime wash face, sleep. Dude, that’s probably why half the nights we go to bed with mascara on and then wake up late and try to reuse it.
I think I’ve touched on the topic of how important self care is before but I’m going to reiterate it because I feel like its the most important thing in our adult lives. I know first hand that it helped get me on track to feeling better and in turn mothering and wifing better.
For many years of my married adult life I spent them trying to figure out what my “mothering type was” vs my “wife type” vs still “daughter type” vs “work type”. As a people pleaser do you know how hard it is to try to facilitate to all of those roles and try to keep them straight? My whole life I’ve always tried to be who I thought people wanted me to be. Whether that meant I wear a cardigan to baptism instead of more my boho style or I succumbed to “letting my client always be right regardless of the top notch education I am still paying for”. I was feeling like a chameleon who just did and said what she had to do to make everyone happy. Sad fact of life is that not every single person no matter how hard you try will be happy. You will always have someone who is displeased by some action you portray. That’s where it was hard for me to let go, it felt like I disappointed them. It felt like betrayal and hurt, when all it really was, was a communication barrier or a mismatched personality combination. Over the past year or two I have been working so hard on letting that sigma go, and the more “types” of myself I let go, the more I am starting to find me. The me who is goofy, heartful and healing. The me who is short tempered, gracious and forever curious. Me who is able to be the same mother and wife type and manage to kick ass at both. Me who is rediscovering why I came into the work I am in and that sometimes NO and educating the client is all it takes to build a clientele I feel confident enough to keep. The happier I make MYSELF the more I realize how many happy people I am acquiring around me.
Don’t ever settle for what you think is the right answer or what you think will be the easiest to explain… Be fierce in your emotions and choose what your feeling is right for you and those round you. Anything that ever comes from your heart can never be wrong and in life there is never wasted time, only directions that lead or teach.
I almost lost myself over the past 31 years, and to be honest, my husband is a lot of the reason I didn’t bury myself in twisted directions of who I thought I could be. By starting to communicate my feelings with him and being honest and feeling safe enough to do so with him, I discovered that the version of me that I liked the best is the same one he fell in love with. Being honest and open and firm in your strengths, weakness’ and dreams is essential to creating the type of life you want to become reality. Remember that even though you may have taken vows, and or birthed little humans into this life, that this is the only one you have right now too.. That in this life, you cannot afford to lose one minute of it being or doing things that don’t build you up and please you… because “happy wife, happy life’. You are the only reason for your anxiety and defeat and YOU are the only reason for your circumstance and your abilities.. Make SURE they are good for you soul, always. Don’t forget to take care of you too mama, because once the nest is empty its just you and your best friend left, make sure they are versions that are true and loving.. because damnit mama, you deserve so much more.