I mean seriously, they could ruin a whole day. And it’s not just expectations from work, or husbands, or kids. It’s everywhere. It’s the media, strangers, family, ourselves. It horrid to think about, because I am going to be honest, I keep mine super low. 3 kids, 3 dogs and a 100 year old farm house, literally, I keep them low, that way, when something turns out WAYYY better than planed, it’s like an all time natural high… it’s great. Like the time Chad told me he was going to stain the fence and the swing set.. this coming from a guy who instantly gets the bubonic plagues the instant he hears the word ‘Paint’.😓 No, seriously, we have like 12 rooms total in this house that have all been painted at least 2X.. that’s 24 painting excursions, and Chad has helped with half of 1. And what I mean by half is that he didn’t even make 2 swipes with the roller before I yanked it away because there were more runs on the wall than Stella’s dance tights. So imagine my surprise when my super frugal hubby comes home with 7 gallons of stain because they were on sale.. 1. were not staining Osbourne park, it’s literally 3 fences, and a small-ish swing set.. ya know though, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said ‘ ok, that will keep him busy and hey if they were on sale what the hell.’.. WHAT THE HELL INDEED😖…Why is my swing set and fence Cleveland Browns Orange?? Oh that’s right, it was on sale because the color Tangerine Poppy wasn’t super popular in the wood stain aisle…Uhg.. Major fail… so began my life of low expectations…
It’s all good, the sun has bleached out the fence and swing set to a pretty sun-kissed bronze…yikes…🎃 and because my husband is super neat while painting, everything he got overspray on has a really cool splatter effect on it, including the cement. 😉 But for real, the expectations we have held against us are not at all practical in today’s day and age.. I am so sorry but to have to wake up at 4:30 to have time to work out, shower, get ready and then start the day just doesn’t sound pleasing, especially due to the fact that I just went to bed at 1 a.m. because the only ‘practical’ time to clean is after everyone (including husband ) has gone to bed…and I would love to have some sculpted abs, but Jillian Michaels yelling at me just sounds like a bad plan after scrubbing the bathroom, and dishes that have been in the sink since 7a.m… she might catch a weight to the 47 in. flat screen face.. But i seriously value the little bit of sleep that I actually do get… My body has officially forgotten R.E.M. and whatever the hell it even means, and it has gone onto something a little bit more efficient.. I like to call it🌟 Starbucks sleep.. it’s that sweet thought that grazes your mind as your alarm is going off and 2/3 kids are yelling, we’re hungry, we want breakfast, we want chocolate milk, why are you still in bed!?? That’s the exact moment I think of that precious double shot frappucino with caramel drizzle… it revives my sanity and also stops my arm from launching my pillow at them..
As far as media expectations… Um, listen, if you seriously think that I am going to have a family, a house, a car, a job, extra curricular activities (kids’ of course) and have time to Pinterest the teach a basket widdled from leaves and sticks filled with gift cards and lotion, while cooking my “crock pot cheesy chicken and rice” AND be dressed to the nine… Bitch You Crazy. More like… we’ start out great, chicken in the pot, teachers get a Mio and a bottled water because they glue on the widdled leaves hasnt’ set up yet, Stella’s dressed and by the door screaming because ‘the big hand is almost to the 6’, Hank, I probably don’t know where Hank even is😞, Finn is crying at your leg while you do your make-up because you slept in and hit the ok button instead of snoozing for just 4 more minutes..Somehow you manage to get to the car, only to realize, ‘Where the hell is Hank?’, run back in, check your chicken in the pot..resalize hank is sitting on the potty YAY! oh wait.. he forgot to pull his pants down…change Hank as fast as you can.. get him in the car, settle Stella down, give Finn a paci and AGHH just enough time to grab a coffee… Pull up to school, unload kids, only to realize you put Stella’s black leggings on Hank before you left, Finn is missing one sock, and you ALMOST locked the keys in the car.. once everyone’s where they need to be and after 5 times telling people the reason your 3 year old looks like Prince, you get home just in enough time to check the chicken.. ‘hmm it still looks a little raw.. but it’s only been 2 hours and Pinterest said to cook all day on low’… Once everyone’s home and lunch is made and kids are half ass napping, your sick of the boots, your leggings are cutting off the circulation in your stomach and I’ve snagged this blouse like 3 times.. you say screw it, throw some sweatpants on and a severely oversized sweatshirt.. realize that the “napping” children just demolished all the neatly picked up baskets and you think ” eh , at least the house was clean for like 10 minutes!” Just in time for your mom to stop by.. seriously? you walk in now? after i jumped back in my jammies and the house is re disturbing?Ahh whatever.. she’s only there for 10 minutes anyhow.. exit mom, enter Chad.. greet him hugs and kiss.. so excited to try out your new dinner… you set the table, get the kids in the bath and ready for dinner and bed.. you go to serve your chicken and instead, find the plug dangling from the counter instead of in the socket.. FUCK YOU PINTEREST…😜
It’s ok though because even if you have moms who give you the ” well, I did it when you kids were younger” or the news telling you ” new schools are enacting a law to make parents dress up to drop their kids of at school,” or Pinterest telling you ” if you quit today think of starting over tomorrow.” I mean give us a break. Shit isn’t like how it used to be.. we can’t just let our kids go outside and ride down the street to the neighbors.. now we have [in addition to everything else you did back then ] the having to stalk our kids in the mini van to make sure they made it and no pervert took them along the way. Or instead of just printing off pictures for you every time we take one ” because now that we have i-phones no one prints pictures” we have to make sure we don’t get sent to CPS because we took a picture of the kids playing in the tub.. I mean seriously.. let go off all the expectations that are around you and just be the best parent you know how to be. Whoever that perfect parent in us all is… We can be that person.. all we have to do is love our children and worry only what they think of us.. Stella doesn’t care if I have leggings and a sweatshirt on to drop her off at school, as long as i hold her hand the whole way in the classroom, she know I love her more than words could say.. 🌛Just because I sometimes dress Hank in the wrong clothes, he doesn’t care because I made it up to him with his favorite breakfast.. and Finn knows that as soon as that last 6th coat of mascara, i will pick him up and love on him for hours.. It’s not about anyone else but them… because when it comes down to it, they don’t expect anything from us, but our love.. and that, we all do perfectly..