DamnitHank

This is me , Erika , I’m part of your average family,..

i got a Stella

a Hank

and a Finn..

there is Chadder, (husband)

Skinny and Izzy * we found them*

and Darla *she found us*

and between you and me, something amazing happened, I had kids.. and I lost my damn mind,, and life has never been the same 🙂

So, i know your dying to know where the other half of my eye brow went in that first sweet pic of me. Well, it landed on the wrong side of a wax strip during a seriously stupid waxing appointment in my bathroom. ( self- waxing adventures – 2 , Erika – 0). See, I have 3 kids, and as much as I love them with all my heart and soul, they’ve convinced me at the same time, that I, Erika McGuire, am crazy as batshit, but ya know, I don’t think they’d have it any other way!

First off, this blog is not going to be written for you, it’s 100% written for me. Mostly to serve as a reminder of things I have experienced, lost, and won, and things I will probably forget by 6 p.m this very evening due to lack of brain cells. Ok it is a little bit for you entertainment too I do hope. Secondly, I am sick and tired of fighting my head about keeping this all in. I have a deep love of writing, but yet have no experience, other than the couple thanksgiving poems I have authored and a few kids books that have yet to be published. But for real, (ex 1. that I am not an “educated” writer, i just started a sentence with But…) this blog will be all over the fu*#@ map. It will more than likely jump from stories of my kids, ranting about my husband ( jk chad.. 😉 and just off the wall random posts about stuff that goes through my head… hopefully someone out there, gets something (even if its just humor) from all this…

Tonight was the birth of my 4 baby.. this blog.. yes, I just compared it to the birth of a child because for like 10 years i have been talking about “writing a book”, or a collection of things i have always wanted to write about. Seriously, ask The Gwins, they have been #1 supporter and pushers of my writing and that is who 50% of this blog is dedicated to.. In all seriousness, for the past 2 years, I have started and stopped writing, convinced and then talked out of (by myself) that I will write a book someday. I begin it and then i always find a reason to stop, mostly out of serious lack of confidence in myself. one thing you should know about me, is that I am HUGELY a believer in “The Secret”, The Law of Attraction, Positive vibes, witchery, juju, or whatever you want to call it. I believe that the more positively you believe in something, the more real it becomes. I believe that your life is created by your every thought and that the word impossible is actually Im Possible. At one point,( i have the physical proof taped on the wall in the pantry) I wrote a list of positive affirmations, and one of them actually said ” a good book doesn’t have to be long” trying to convince myself that If I don’t have the power or time to write a 600 page book, I don’t need it. A good, funny, inspiring book only has to be 1 page if it allows 1 person to be touched by it. So with that being said, I have lived those last 2 years being a total hypocrite to my beliefs. I let my lack of confidence, and lack of energy completely take over and block me from doing what i love to do. I allowed myself to beat my own head and heart down to the point that i even convinced myself that I wasn’t funny enough, or wise enough to be able to have the ability to touch another person’s life. You know why? because i was constantly comparing myself to others. I used Facebook and Pinterest as freaking tools to remind myself that i wasn’t a good enough mother, a hot enough wife or talented enough stylist to even be worth being on Facebook… well .. 3 kids later, 75 gray hairs, and a back bone, i can proudly say.. :”FUCK ALL THAT NONSENSE”. Seriously! I don’t know what it was that finally pushed me over the edge enough to Let it go, (definitely NOT a Frozen reference 😉 and JUST BE ME. Just love me, Just accept me and just enjoy me.

Having 3 kids (hell even 1 kid or no kids) can really force you to have to fall back in love with yourself. You now have all of these new physical and mental maps on your body that you have to find beauty in. You have these “standards” and these ‘rules” you have to parent by… you have this new relationship with your husband, your family and yourself that you have to stretch to pieces to make sure everyone gets enough of your time, love and support…. It’s all a big heavy emotional load of shit we now have to balance…on top of school, dance, dinner and doctors. But, i am finding out that that’s just who we are.. its who we were meant to be, and no matter if we lose our shit because our Hank’s just jumped knee deep in a puddle on the way to baptism, or if we over accentuate our pride and happiness for our Stella’s learning to read… or maybe Freak the Fuck out every time our Finn’s get a fever.. Its Just WHO we are.. WE cannot lose that piece of us.. We have given up so much already for our children and we will continue to for the rest of our lives, but that little piece of snap dragon crazy we got left in us, we have to keep.. it ironically keeps us sane.. it secretly reminds us that we are human and that we bend, but it holds us perfectly together, so that when we drop them off at the sitter and we break down on the way to work thinking about how crazy we were, we can get through our day and not be able to get back to them fast enough just so we can be the best mother/father we can be for them. I have learned that instead of trying to change that sort of embarrassing unpleasant part of myself, that embracing it teaches me every time that I am not perfect, and that that’s just fine because life with (and without) kids, is beautiful(ly) crazy. XOXO

***reference the beginning  words to the ‘Wild Thornberry’s Intro music 🙂